AMERICA, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

7 Nov

AMERICA, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

Last night using a #2 pencil as a dagger Americans stabbed the heart of Lady Liberty. He appealed to the young, still growing a brain and those that do not understand, that when you vote “for” or “against” a person by the color of their skin, you are the racist.

For the first time in my life my optimistic heart has died. I feel we as a nation are doomed. So it may be awhile before I return to posting jokes. I will leave a poem for my friends and those waiting for the shackles of Socialism. Enjoy…

Election-day is over, the talking is done.
My party lost, your party won.
So, let us be friends, let the arguments pass.
I’ll hug my elephant, you kiss your ass.

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GENDER GAP

6 Nov

Gender Gap

A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl
approaches the boy and says, “Hey Tommy, want to play house?”

He says, “Sure! What do you want me to do?”

The girl replies, “I want you to communicate your feelings.”

“Communicate my feelings?” said a bewildered Tommy. “I have no idea
what that means.”

The little girl smirks and says, “Perfect. You can be the husband.”

MALE ASSERTIVENESS

5 Nov

Male assertiveness

A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so he went to a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home.

He had finished the book by the time he reached his house.

The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife.

Pointing a finger in her face, he said, “From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you’re going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I’m finished with my bath, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?”

“The funeral director,” said his wife.

Lab Test

4 Nov

A Doctor calls his Patient to give him the results of his blood tests. “I have bad news and worse news,” said the Doctor.
“My gosh, ” said the Patient, “What’s the bad news?”
“Your lab tests indicate that you have only 24 hours to live,” said the Doctor.
“What could be worse than that?” said the Patient.
“I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday,” said the Doctor.

POLITICIANS

3 Nov

The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would “hate” to have to make a living under the laws they’ve passed.

FIRST WEDDING

2 Nov

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, “How many women can a man marry?” “Sixteen,” the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. “How do you know that?” “Easy,” the little boy said. “All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer”

DOORS

1 Nov

Whew! What a relief to learn this…

Ever walk into a room with some purpose in mind,
only to completely forget what that purpose was?
Turns out, doors themselves are to blame for these
strange memory lapses.

Psychologists at the University of Notre Dame have
discovered that passing through a doorway triggers
what’s known as an event boundary in the mind,
separating one set of thoughts and memories from
the next. Your brain files away the thoughts you had
in the previous room and prepares a blank slate for
the new locale.

It’s not aging, it’s the door!

..thank goodness for studies like this.